Monday, January 28, 2013

Arvind Kejriwal founds irregularity in purchase of marble for Taj Mahal

"Shah Jahan had no right to spend crores from the public coffers to immortalize the memory of his beloved," said the senior Samajwadi Party leader Azam Khan.

After hearing this statement Shah Jahan came out of his grave in those mummy looks and said furiously - "Why is Azam Khan worried about the money I used, if they would have the money I hadn't used, they would have built those statuses and parks in U.P?!!", he added, "Only I know from where I got the funds, after my home loan was rejected...Thanks to Robert Vadra, or from where else do you think I would have got the white marble at dirt cheap prices. "

"People are questioning me, about the money I spent for my beloved. No one questions Sid Mallya for spending money on Deepika, who was not even her wife!", he said, "I would have created Taj in Gujarat instead of U.P, atleast Modi ji would have created a SEZ for me and Amitabh Bachchan would have promoted it much better"

"What I am afraid of right now is - Arvind Kejrival, I am expecting he might expose the expenses of Taj! Intially the name which Robert suggested was Taj MALL, but we did foresee the the corruptions and scams that could have exposed and to be on a safer side we kept if Taj Mahal!" he said in deep voice.

Taking a sip of Taj Mahal tea, he said, all thanks to Zakir Hussian, in branding Taj " Waah! Taj boliye"

Kachra from Lagaan is the best Indian tail ender

India's first ever leg spinner Kachra from Lagaan, who proved his skills in the bowling arena is nominated as the 'Best Indian tail ender'. Aamir who proved his stupidity choosing Gauri over Elizabeth, took all the credit by hitting 6 at the last ball, but SRK fans think that the real Man of the Match was 'Kachra' and he was the one who kept hold of his nerves and is like MSD who plays well under pressure.

Hat Trick in his debut match and taking those crucial runs in death overs clearly shows his all round performance. Cricketing experts says that, if Harbhajan wants to make a come back, then he needs to take some bowling tips from Kachra, his 'phirki' is much better than Harbhajan's 'doosra'. Lagaan team was just like our Indian team, you can not rely on the lower order batsman with an exception of Kachra, who could be compared to Sir Ravindra Jadeja. Though comparing some one with Sir Jadeja is a great disrespect for the person who is being compared, but seeing past few performances you can find some similarities between them.

When Asked to Dhoni about the Lagaan match. he says - "While I was playing the World cup final, on the winning ball of the match I reminded myself - agle 4 saal tak lagaan dena padega and then hit the six, taking Bhuvan's name. I wish we had a all rounder like Kachra, though I found some one very close to him in looks- Sir Ravindra Jadeja but we don't have a great tailender like Kachra".

Dhoni's confidence in Kachra Sir Ravindra Jadeja is same as Bhuvan's confidence is Kachra - "Magar jis kalai ko tune lula kaha hai wohi hamri sabse badi taakat banegi dekh lena. Ee bejaan sa panja hi humein jeet dilayega... Aap log mera sath de ya na de magar Kachra khelega!"

When asked to Harbhajan about Kachra's performance, he said - "Have you looked at his action, just like Muttiah Muralitharan, his arm bends more than 15 degrees. And England is weak against spin bowling and everyone knows it,  if he is really so good in bowling, can he bold that monkey Andrew Symonds?"

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Hina Rabbani Khar qualifies for Big Boss Season 7

Hina Rabbani Khar (HRK) the Pak Foreign Minister, not to be confused with KRK, though she might sound the same at first, accused India of engaging in 'war-mongering' in the aftermath of clashes and killing of two Indian soldiers at the Line of Control(LoC) in J&K. 

The aggressive internet youth in India who is willing to do anything for his country, ranging from sharing Facebook updates to re- tweeting on Twitter is not happy about the statements she made.

When asked to a local service class guy about HRK statements, he yelled at the top of his voice - "Hina Rabbani Khar, is the heights of stupidity and if she opens her mouth again we will unleash Emraan Hasmi on her", seems like he is going to launch a nuclear weapon on Pak. He added in a soft voice "Personally she is beautiful and I like her purse!!!"

Reports are coming that Colors channel have declared Hina Rabbani Khar, to have qualified as the 1st contestant for Bigg Boss house. The production house is saying -" It will be quite interesting to see how Hina Rabbani Khar reacts to Imam Siddique and audience will love to watch this. We found Sana Khan and Sapna in Hina Rabbani Khar"

Rahul who must be 38 by age, with those deceiving intellectual looks, was also asked about the statements made. Taking a lollipop in his mouth he answered - " Dus rupay ki Papssi, Hina Khan hai Saxxy" and he galloped through streets.

A group of young guys and girls who want to bring a change in India, have gathered on the streets of Delhi and are demanding Arnab Goswami to interview Hina Rabbani Khar."I ask a question to Pakistan, how will you feel if make Rakhi Sawant as our external minister?" said a girl with a large bag hanging over her arm like HRK, then she added "Dear Hina Rabbani Khar, just because you are hot doesn't mean you can talk non sense. Btw, you are hot indeed. Awww...."

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

From Jaddu to Sir Ravindra Jadeja

Reports are coming that Sir Ravindra Jadeja won't be fielding today. Yes, you heard it right, not because he is injured after playing an inning after a long time but because he is in trauma after seeing his own innings. Dhoni has asked Rohit Sharma to get some water and Dinda to press his legs. Even Lord Rohit Sharma will not be playing in next few matches, he is in a deep guilt after seeing today's miraculous innings of Sir Ravindra Jadeja. 61 on just 37 balls! Yes, you are thinking it right, Sir Ravindra Jadeja has scored a fifty, I repeat Sir Ravindra Jadeja has scored a fifty!

When asked to one of the fans(not to mention, Sachin fan) in the stadium, how do you feel about today's innings of Jaddu, he answered - " First of all please don't call Sir Ravindra Jadeja as Jaddu, he holds a respectable position in my heart.  I tried playing on my PS3 with Ravindra Jadeja, and even there he hasn't scored so much. This is one of the very rare innings, may be this won't even repeated in next 61 matches and I feel blessed to see this. I can flaunt this to my grand children."

When asked to Sir Ravindra Jadeja about his innings, he said - " The more you hate me, the better I play. And above all I wanted to give answer to Virat Kohli, Tammana meri hai aur sirf meri hai".

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

How to realize the value?

This is beautiful. Read quietly then send it back on its journey

To realize The value of a sister/brother Ask someone Who doesn't have one.

To realize The value of ten years: Ask a newly Divorced couple.

To realize The value of four years: Ask a graduate.

To realize The value of one year: Ask a student who Has failed a final exam.

To realize The value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize The value of one month: Ask a mother Who has given birth to A premature baby.

To realize The value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize The value of one hour:

Ask the couple who turned backs and slept without a word.

To realize The value of one minute: Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane..

To realize The value of one-second: Ask a person Who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when You can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend :LOOSE ONE n see….

The origin of this letter is unknown,But it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.

Remember….Hold on tight to the ones you love!Do not keep this letter. Send it to friends & family upon whom you wish blessings

How to kill a lion?

Manmohan Singh Method:

The lion roars. Stay mute.
The lion roars louder. Stay mute.
Let this happen for infinite times.
Lion dies of frustration.
Theek hai?

Rahul Gandhi Method:

The lion roars.
Ask him to join farmville 2 and offer a cozy hut, daily healthy food, a pink dress with cute decorations every festive season.
Lion dies of shock.

Abhijit Mukherjee Method:

The lion roars.
Call him a painted rat who is not aware of real lionhood.
The lion dies being stuck by intolerable stupidity.

Akbaruddin Owaisi Method:
The lion roars.
Brag that you're such a human who can knock him down in 5secs if the cage is removed.
Lion dies of excessive laughter causing multiple organ failure.

Mohan Bhagwat Method:
The lion roars.
Tell him that lions only roar in jungles, but not in jungles. Ask him to get out of jungle and come to jungle and to learn sanskar.
The lion dies of confusion. 

Quotes on Sir Ravindra Jadeja


"There are 2 kinds of all-rounders in the world. One – Ravindra Jadeja. Two – Adnan Sami!" – Bappi Lahiri.

"I am unfortunate that I only get to bowl at him in the nets." – Harbhajan Singh.

"Anything can happen to us if we’re on a plane flying over a cricket stadium in India with Ravindra Jadeja at the bowling crease." – A paranoid air-hostess

"He has been out of form longer than some of our guys have been alive." – Unmukt Chand

"If I am to field when Jadeja is bowling,I will field with my helmet on. They all hit him so hard!" - Cheteshwar Pujara

"I saw him playing on television & was struck by his technique, so I asked my wife to come look at him. Now I never saw myself play, but I feel that this player is playing much the same as I used to play, and she looked at him on TV and said – are you effing out of your mind?! I’d like a drag of whatever it is you’ve been smoking, chump. Now get dressed…you are going to see an ophthalmologist!" - Sir Gary Sobers.

“Technically, you can’t fault Jadeja. Seam or spin, fast or slow every goddamn thing is a problem." - Geoffrey Boycott.

"The pressure on me is nothing compared to Ravindra Jadeja. Jadeja, like Ram Gopal Verma, must always fail. The crowd always expects him to fail and it is too much pressure on him. And, he rarely disappoints them." – Jacques Kallis.

"Don’t bother bowling him good balls, he gets out to the bad ones." - Monty Panesar.

"Jadeja has been sent by N. Srinivasan to play cricket and then go back…to Dhoni." – Ravi Shastri.

"I’ll be going to bed having sweet reassuring dreams of myself just running down the wicket & belting him back over the head for six!" – Shoaib Malik, Shane Watson & David Warner (in unison)

"When Sir Ravindra Jadeja first travelled to Sri Lanka to play in yet another of those meaningless ODI series, Shahid Afridi was yet to come out of his 2nd retirement, Tiger Woods was yet to be accused of infidelity, Balotelli had never earned a red card & Kristen Stewart was still a virgin. When Jadeja embarked on a glorious career taming Kulasekara & co., Poonam Pandey was a name unheard of; Suresh Raina’s nephew was in his nappies; baby Bachchan was still a stray sperm swimming in AB’s pelvic cavity & SRK was yet to promote Ra.One. It seems while Time was having his toll on every individual on the face of this planet, he excused one man. Time stands frozen in front of Jadeja. We’ve had champions, we’ve had legends, but we’ve never had a Jadeja & we never will.” – Time magazine.

“The earth has carried the burden of Jadeja for 24 years. It is time we carried him on our shoulders.” – some undertaker

“Only he can play that leg glance with his thigh guard.” – Waqar Younis.

“He is just what the doctor ordered(Euthanasia).” - Ravi Shastri.

"He is to Indian Cricket what Tushar Kapoor is to Bollywood" - Shilpa Shetty.

"Beneath the helmet, under that unruly curly hair, inside the cranium, there is something we don’t know, something he himself doesn’t know either" - whether he’s a batsman or a bowler. Forget us, even those who are gifted enough to play alongside him cannot even fathom. When he goes out to the ground, people switch off their TV sets for the high octane excitement of watching lawns grow.” - BBC

“Cricketers like Jadeja come once in a lifetime, and I am sorry he didn’t play in my time. Could have added a few more cheap wickets to my tally.” - Muttiah Muralitharan

“Commit all your crimes when Jadeja is batting. They will go unnoticed because even the Lord is dozing off to sleep.” – A placard at the Saurasthra Cricket Ground...


Monday, January 7, 2013

How to keep yourself motivated for your fitness resolutions?

New year and everyone is taking yet another resolutions for a better fitness level and few days after you realize that everything is going same as before. It is difficult to stay focused on keeping to your resolutions.

Here are few points that will help you out to stay focused.

1) Clearly state your goals.

Your goals or resolutions shouldn't be vague or the ones which cant be measured like - a better body, a fit body.
Be specific like - lose xyz kgs of weight, get a 6 pack abs or improve cardio-vascular fitness.

2) Be Realistic in setting goals.

Don't create goals which cant be achieved like losing 30 kgs in a month! That will demotivate you when you won't see clear results coming out.

3) Assign short term goals and measure them

So you are targeting to lose 8 kgs in a month and make a short term goal to lose 2 kgs first week and 5 kgs the second week. This will help you to keep yourself motivated.

4) Reward yourself.

As you achieve short term goals, reward yourself for achieving that.

5) Ask others to measure your goals.

Share your goals with some one and ask them to measure your achievement on timely basis. This will keep a pressure on you to perform.

6) Keep yourself reminding.

Don't lose focus on your goals, keep yourself reminding of your goals. Keep a book and write down your goals and how much you have managed to achieve each day. Be honest.

Above all eat healthy and avoid junk food.

How to get perfect abs fast and easy way

The usual way to get abs is to get a recliner and you lean against it and your upper body is free. Then you can grab a weight, start with a lighter ones and then move your upper body up and down. So, your face is facing down and then I try to train the abs my moving up and down. Is that an effective method? 

What if you don't have to do and 'ab' training at all !!

Here are two important things:

1. So while you are doing other training like push ups, squats, some triceps work you abs are automatically getting work out.

2. Having ripped abs is about having very little body fat. Commercials on TV do so much damage getting people to think that working on some lame piece of crap will give them sculpted abs when the models they use go in for the commercial having never used it before. Low fat diet and working on building all of your muscles will do the trick. If you are already skinny then still keep the diet low in fat but do less reps and more weight.

So what can be the best way?

So if you have money then join a gym or alternatively you can buy some weights and a bench. Start doing the exercise regularly at home or gym, whatever you prefer. Do normal exercises with the weights and do not specifically do all of your exercises for abs.

you can do crunches and side crunches.  To do a side crunch (for example, right-side crunches) you lay on your right site but keep both your legs parallel to the floor and touching the floor. Then you lift yourself up like you would in a normal crunch but you are targeting one side at a time. 

Another exercise that works well is the super-man. You lay on your stomach and lift your legs and arms off the floor and hold it. If you feel like this is only working your back, try to lift your legs further off the floor. 
Next, 6-inches. Lie on your back and life your legs up, keeping them straight with your toe pointing up, and lift them six inches off the ground while keeping your back straight. Hold it for 30 seconds, break for 30 seconds, etc.

Another one is called 'the plank'. You put yourself in a push-up position except instead of holding yourself up with your hands, your hold yourself up with the lower part of your the area from your elbow to your hands should be touching the ground. Then you hold that position for however long you want. 

If you have ample of money to spend, get a personal trainer for you in gym but my advice to you is not to use lot of weights for ab workout as this might damage your body. You can easily get a hernia, or strain your back putting you out of service, or at the doctor's office. 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Winner of Big Boss Season 6: Urvashi Dholakia

The Winner of Big Boss season 6 is Urvashi Dholakia, as it was much expected. But to everyone's surprise Imam was in top two contestants, leaving behind Rajeev, Delnaaz, Sana and Niketan! Seems his timeout funda worked well for him.

Half Punjabi and Half Gujarati Urvashi showed a strong character in the big boss house and was the top most choice for winning the show for even the show contenders.

She was married at the age of 16 and had twin children at the age of 17! one and the half year later she was divorced. She has done many TV shows, but the most famous one beinng Kasautii Zindagii Kay in which she played a roled named Komolika.

Congratulate her on her win of Big Boss Season 6! Alag Che..

Here is the link if you want to know more about Imam..

10 ways to lose weight fast: The fun way

Want to lose weight fast. Wouldn't this be even more wonderful if this could be done only while watching TV!!! Here are few tips that will help you reduce the fun way.

1) Jump rope for 3 minutes while you are watching your movie and repeat this for 4 times. This is burn around 111 calories.

2) Are you really interested in watching commercials during the breaks while you are watching TV? Instead let's utilize this time in a much better way. Run up and down the stairs of your building once or twice, depending upon the number of stairs you have. This will help you burn around 50 calories.

3) Tired? Place a cloth on the floor and lie down on your side and then do the leg lifts for 5 minutes. Repeat this for two times. This will help you reduce around 90 calories.

4) Sit down at the same place and do arm circles for one minute and the repeat this for 2 times. This will help you burn 30 calories.

5) Lie down again at the same place and make your self a plank. Hold yourself in the same position for 2 -3 minutes This will help you burn 35 calories.

6) You definitely pee atleast once if you are watching TV for a long time. Instead of going the normal way, sprint to your toilet seat and pee and then sprint back. This will help you burn 25 calories.

7) Stand on your toes with your hand up in the air and then relax. Repeat this for 10 times. This will help you burn 50 calories.

8) Take a deep breath hold it for a minute and repeat this for 5 times.

9) Have a exercise ball? If no, the get a one, sit on the exercise ball and do ab curls for 1 minute. Repeat this for 4 times. This will help you reduce 50 calories.

10) Simply sit the rest of the movie on the ball and have fun. This will reduce around 30 calories.

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