If Mahabharat Happened Now

@rameshsrivats

#IfMahabharatHappenedNow Kauravas would have starved to death with only 9 subsidized LPG connections for 102 of them.

@Ohfakenews

#IfMahabharatHappenedNow Khurshid would say "Aa toh jaoge Kurukshetra meh par vapis kaise jaoge" to Pandavas.

@GabbbarSingh

#IfMahabharatHappenedNow Draupadi would have been sobbing in a Satyameva Jayate episode.

@GabbbarSingh

#IfMahabharatHappenedNow Krishna would have told Arjun "Meter se 20 rs extra lagega"

@BwoyBlunder

#IfMahabharatHappenedNow Duryodhan would make the Pandavas delete their FB, Twitter, LinkedIn Accounts & force them to use Orkut for 14 yrs

‏@GabbbarSingh

#IfMahabharatHappenedNow After 13 years of Vanwaass Pandavas would have turned into Maoists.

@fakingnews

#IfMahabharatHappenedNow CCTV at Kurukshetra would have been found to be non-functional.

@Roflindian

#IfMahabharatHappenedNow US would be begging India to share the Drone technology with them.

@mediacrooks

#IfMahabharatHappenedNow Salman Khan would have been riding chariots drunk and running over people...

@nationalizer

#IfMahabharatHappenedNow Kejriwal would be saying both Pandavas and kauravas are both corrupt.

@mediacrooks

#IfMahabharatHappenedNow Abhimanyu would have been trapped in traffic on the western exp highway in Mumbai... Instead of Chakravyuh..

 @Shamwoo
Chakravyuh would be your only chance at Rajiv Chowk Metro#IfMahabharatHappenedNow

Bhajji aksed to slap Sreesanth again

Sreesanth, definitely one of the fine bowlers dancers that Indian team ever had, tweeted about the use of five fingers.

"We Have 5 Fingers For Five Reasons !! Little Finger To Make Promises For our Best friends.. Ring Finger For Someone Special When The Time  Is Right.Middle Finger To Those Who Are Jealous & Show High Attitude to us.Index Finger To Silence Those Who Speak against us.. Thumb To Show The Rest Of The World That we'll Be Fine No Matter How Hard Life Is..."

Tweepels who think that there could be better uses of these fingers, like poking nose with Index finger, asking teacher to go to toilet with your little finger and middle finger to...hmmmm, have requested Harbhajan to show the use to five fingers together once again.

Like Shri Ravindra Jadeja, our very own cricketing dancer is respected with Sree though he is not very Santh. When asked to Sree himself about the slap he got from Harbhajan, he made a monkey face and said -"Only Pawar sir can understand the pain of getting slapped by a Sardar"

When asked to Dhoni about why did he ever kept Sree in Indian team, the Indian skipper replied - "Sree being kept in Indian team was very strategical, we were on high that time and every team was jealous of our every player being in form, so we thought of keeping Sreesanth as 'Nazar Suraksha Kavach' in our team, he was just like a black demon face hanging outside a new house, to keep it aloof from bad eyes, and his presence worked!"

And lastly when we asked to great Indian slapper Harbhajan, how does it feel after slapping to Sree?

"After being dropped from Indian team, I have no guilt slapping to Sreeanth, I can slap anyone now, and Sree was never a cricketer, he could find a better job of training IPL cheerleaders and I want a full time job of serial slapper! He shares the same set of fans with those of Tushaar Kapoor, Vivek Oberoi and Abhishek Bachhan" replied Harbhajan tearing his chicken on a local dhaba in Punjab.

Lifebuoy se haath dhoye kya? - HUL ads on Rotis at Kumbh Mela

Ads on rotis - nobody would ever thought of this! HUL comes up with this new and unique way of marketing it's daily soap - Lifebuoy. Kumbh Mela, being the largest gathering on earth, every marketer would like to get the maximum out of this, build a brand image, reach out to millions of people and this 'Lifebuoy se haath dhoye kya?' ad definitely stand out and achieves its goals.

The ad is so apt that as one should wash hands before eating and what could have been a better way if it this is written on the food itself. The company has made special heat stamps that leaves an impression on the roti, but how ethical it is to promote a brand this way, still remains debatable.

Highlights of Narendra Modi speech in SRCC

Here are the highlights of Narendra Modi Speech which he delivered in SRCC Delhi.

• I come from the land of Gujarat, from the land of Mahatma Gandhi and Vallabhai Patel.
• A lot of great men spent their lives in jail to free the country.
• Two streams of thought  influenced our freedom struggle - non-violence and armed revolution.
• Many leaders sacrificed  a lot for our independence. 
• After 60 years of independence, India is still worried about getting ' Swaraj.'
• If we want to make a place in the global bandwagon of progress, Swaraj  should be the focus.
• By Swaraj I mean good governance. By good governance I mean, P2G2. Pro-People - Pro Government.
• Governments in India have been acting as fire-fighters. 
• Today there is an atmosphere of hopelessness - everyone thinks they want to run away.
• This is my fourth term as CM of Gujarat, and from experience I know that even with the present set up, we can make progress and achieve much more.
• I am a very positive man, I believe  we can change the situation. 
• I told a diplomat who had come to meet me recently that our greatest challenge is how to use opportunities - we have the youngest population in the world.  
• In spite of being a young country we are being unable to use the opportunities we have.
• We are not a poor country. We are rich in natural resources. We are not using our resources properly, our challenge is use them fully. 
• We have developed our state on 3 pillars. Agricultural, industry, service sector. Even if one pillar fails, the other two can support the economy of the state. 
• The state which spent years in water scarcity, is now creating history with surplus agriculture.
• My Vibrant Gujarat summit happens once in two years, but every year I hold a farmers' festival.  
• We teach our farmers how to increase their produce, Farmers have a soil health card. He knows what to do for his soil. People in India don't have their own health cards.
• We have started a project to reserve water. Gujarat is the only state where water level is going up. 
• When I become CM for first time, cotton bales were 23 lakhs, now it is over 1 crore bales.
• We need to work on value addition. Farm to fibre, fibre to fabric, fabric to fashion, fashion to foreign. 
• We have taken an integrated approach to development of the agriculture sector.
• People in Delhi drink milk that comes from Gujarat. In Europe, if you eat bhindi, that would have come from Gujarat.
• People from tribal belt near Gujarat-Maharashtra border came to me. They wanted better roads. They said they have done an agreement with Finland and we grow bananas for them. Because the roads are not good, the produce is spoilt. 
• We hold a medical camp for cattle regularly. As a result in last 6 years, over 100 cattle disease has been eradicated. 
• Due to cattle well-being, milk produce has increased. As a result a village's economy is strengthened. 
• We were not strong in service sector but now Gujarat's tourism is double of India's. Mr. Amitabh Bachchan himself now goes to every home and invites people to Gujarat. 
• Today the number of our universities has increased. We are the first in the world to have a forensic university. A lot of countries in the world our associated with that university.
• Police recruitment in our country is done on physical stature. We have opened a security university. In that university, anyone who wants to go to the army or police forces can sign up for 3 or 5 year courses from school. That provides quality manpower.
• Gujarat has the youngest police force in the country - a constable in Gujarat is tech savvy.
• We have also started the Indian Institute of Teachers Education. 
• India exports everything, why not export teachers. 
  
• When we were young anything that was 'Made in Japan' was bought without a second thought. Why not create a 'Made in India' craze.
• We hosted CWG, through that one event we could have created branding for our country.
• Vibrant Gujarat created a branding for Gujarat. 50% GDP of the country was under one roof at the Vibrant Gujarat summit. I had 10 days to organize it but 121 countries were there.   
• We work hard to produce salt, there is no one in India jisne Gujarat ka namak na khaya ho. 
• Our mantra is Gujarat ke vikas mein desh ka vikas.
• Our youth is the 'new-age power'. 
• We should work towards the fruition of Swami Vivekanand's dream in the 150th year of his birth. 
• 21st century is a century of knowledge and therefore, I believe, it can be India's century. 
• The world used to think India is the country of snake-charmers, of black magic. Our youth has changed this perception in the last 20 years. 
• Our youth has changed the image of India globally. Till 15 years ago we were considered a land of black-magic and snake charmers. We have become mouse-charmers, the youth of this country can rule the world by a  their fingers with a mouse. 
• (Bill) Clinton visited a village where women were working on computers. The illiterate sarpanch of that village stood eye to eye with the most powerful man in the world. People thought he was asking for a visa or a job for his son. But that man asked Mr Clinton , do you still consider my country to be backward?  Mr Clinton had to say that No. And he will carry that message wherever he goes. 
• Our youth has desire and strength but because of lack of skills they can't progress.  We need to focus on skill-development. 
  I believe govt has no business to do business - Minimum Government Maximum Governance. 
• All the Metro coaches in Delhi are manufactured in Gujarat. We need to work with speed and on a large scale.
• Development is the solution to all problems. 
• The country has been adversely affected by votebank politics - we need development politics. There is no alternative to development.